Are Your Kids Seeing You Live Your Real Life?

Before I became a single dad, before my daughter was born, before I was married, I lived pretty much the typical bachelor life. I kept odd hours, and money was spent on fun and “toys” when I had it, and I ate rice and ramen when I didn’t.

And I lived the life I intended to lead. I was involved heavily in local theater, spending most of my free time rehearsing, designing and performing. And I was happy – I was doing what I wanted, what I loved, things that didn’t pay me a dime, but fulfilled me in the ways that only a passion can fulfill.

But like most “adults”, I was bombarded by friends and family that kept asking when I was going to stop “fooling around” and start settling down, become a “responsible adult”. I met someone while rehearsing a show – who I later married – and the process of “becoming more responsible” began.

This is the gift we can give our kids. When they see that doing what you love makes you a more powerful, energetic human, they’ll follow suit. And then comes the really hard part for us.

Keep in mind, this was ultimately my decision. If I didn’t want to feel “responsible”, I didn’t need to quit spending time at the theater, look for a better paying job and start thinking like “an adult”. I made those choices.

But those choices also meant I was giving up a very integral part of my persona. By the time I stopped working in theater, it had been a part of my life for 15 years. Most of my friends were made in the theater. It was a creative outlet and my passion.

I’ve told the story before about how I came to realize that I had let the words of others keep me from doing things I loved. I realized then that the dad my daughter was seeing was not the man she deserved to see. I was not living my real life. I was living a life that had been muted by compromises.

I don’t regret my decisions. After all, without them, I wouldn’t have the beautiful, intelligent little girl that is my daughter. When I made those decisions, what I didn’t realize was that many of them were false choices. I didn’t have to give up theater – it wasn’t all or nothing.

ARE YOU LIVING YOUR REAL LIFE?

I never really understood why kids would be surprised to hear some if what their parents used to do when they were younger. A good friend’s daughter was shocked when she first learned that her dad and I used to jam in our apartment and at the warehouse where I worked. Now, I understand it. We all have to adapt our lives for major changes, like marriage or the birth of our kids.

Many of these changes are absolutely necessary, but how many of them are stifling who we are, tamping down our passions? Don’t our kids deserve to see us at our best? Here are some things to consider:

Is there something you are passionate about that your kids have never seen? Something that once made you happy, excited, that consumed your thoughts?
How much time do you get to spend with your kids where you can show your passion about something right now? If you want your kids to be passionate about something, you need to be the example for them.
Is there something you have stopped doing that previously fulfilled you? We want our kids to be happy, and a big part of that is teaching them how to feel passionate about the things they do.

In our everyday, get to work, get the bills paid, put food on the table world, it can be tough to get to our passions. They take time out of our already overbooked day. But that’s a funny thing about doing things that resonate with your being – they seem to be able to stretch time and energy even further.

Did you even notice that when you’re doing something you love, you can spend hours and yet it seems like time flew by? And you always have energy to do more? It’s because your passion for it fuels the drive to keep going. It doesn’t matter how many hours are in the day, or how much energy you’ve already spent that day – there always seems to be more.

This is the gift we can give our kids. When they see that doing what you love makes you a more powerful, energetic human, they’ll follow suit. And then comes the really hard part for us.

Not being the ones to tell them to be “responsible”.

We need to be the ones that support them following their passion, whatever it is. To be happy, fulfilled and empowered.

Recent changes in my life are allowing me to revisit all of these things, and to do what I’m really passionate about. It won’t be overnight, but theater will return to being an important part of my life. And my daughter will see who Daddy can be when he’s at his absolute best. And I will do whatever I must to make sure she can do the same.

Our kids deserve the best person we can be, the most fulfilled we can achieve because we act as role models for them, as well as achieving a state of mind that lets us be better parents. We teach them the importance of being passionate about something, about that seemingly boundless reserve of energy that comes from truly being absorbed in what we love.

What passion is waiting for you to come back?

P.S. Welcome to all the folks that came over from LiteralMom.com – Missy has a great site and I am honored to be selected as the first Literal Dad of the Week! Click around here and enjoy, and be sure to head back to Missy’s site for more Literal Mom goodness! And by all means – comment away!